Relapse
by Duochanfan
Summary: Yuuri feels as though he has failed once more. Feeling an urge he hasn't in around five years, he relapses to an old habit. POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING - SELF-HARM-


**I don't own Yuri On Ice.**

 **Well here is another one shot that I have done. A prompt from my friend. All they gave me was the word Relapse. This brought back a few memories of my past, and this is what came from it.**

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 **WARNING FOR POSSIBLE TRIGGERS - SELF-HARM**

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 **Relapse**

Yuuri fell against the shower wall, looking down at the top of his right leg. The swell of blood was being gently washed away by the cascading water. He couldn't help it, it was too much, too much to take after failing so badly. He felt weak and useless as tears began to form in his eyes. He slides down, the water starting to lose its warmth.

"So stupid and useless," he muttered to himself, dropping the razor blade that he had been able to break free of the cheap razor he had brought for himself a few weeks ago. Returning to Detroit after Sochi had been hard. Yuuri wanted to go home, back to his family. But, how could he, he was a failure, he failed them all. He made such big promises when he left. And he had just broken another. A promise to his sister.

Mari had caught him cutting the top of his leg when he was fourteen. She had helped clean up the deep cut and the two had talked. Everything that Yuuri was feeling came pouring out. Mari had been his rock and slowly he started to feel like life was worth something again. He hadn't cut himself in over five years when he was seventeen was the last time, just before he met Coach Cialdini.

"I'm… I'm sorry Mari," he whispered, shivering as the water was now cold. He had no energy to turn it off, and just sat there crying, arms wrapped around him, and blood slowly swirling down the drain.

"Yuuri!" came a call from outside the bathroom.

Yuuri froze and didn't move a muscle. He forced himself to go quiet, stifling the sobs as much as he could.

"Yuuri," he voice was full of concern.

"Go away," Yuuri whimpered, his voice trembling. He rested his head on his knees.

The door opened, "Fuck," Phichit cursed as he saw his best friend. He rushed inside, grabbing the towel off the heater and turning the water off. He knelt down, pulling his friend towards him and wrapping the large fluffy towel around him, "Come on, let's get you warmed up."

Yuuri moved slowly and shakily as Phichit guided him towards the sofa and got him sitting down, rubbing his arms to help dry his friend. "I'm… I'm sorry," Yuuri mumbled.

"It's all right," Phichit reassured him, "Come on, you need to get warm, I'll make some hot chocolate in a bit," he mumbled more to himself. He had seen Yuuri have an anxiety attack before, but this, this was something different.

Phichit ran into Yuuri's room and grabbed the old sweats and t-shirt the other used for sleepwear. He walked back in and frowned when he saw something red showing up on the white towel, "Yuuri?" he asked cautiously as he knelt down in front of him.

Yuuri avoided his gaze, "I… I couldn't… Sorry," he said, tears running down his face. A hand over the red mark.

Phichit smiled gently, "Okay," he said, he understood in that moment what it was, what Yuuri had done. "Let's get you cleaned up, make sure that it won't get infected. Then hot chocolate and sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

Yuuri nodded and watched as Phichit got up once more and fetched the first aid kit from the kitchenette. He came back and uncovered the top of Yuuri's leg. He gently cleaned it and bandaged it up.

"Thank you," Yuuri whispered as he was helped into his sleepwear.

Phichit smiled, "What are besties for," he went back to the kitchenette and quickly made the two of them a mug of hot chocolate each.

Yuuri smiled softly as he looked to his best friend. "Thank you."

Phichit huffed, "No need you know that bestie," he grinned, trying to lighten his friend up a little.

"Still," Yuuri began, unsure of what he should say. "I… I haven't done that in a long time."

"Wh… what triggered it?" Phichit asked hesitantly.

"I failed them all," Yuuri whispered brokenly.

Phichit shook his head, "You haven't failed anyone, you are one of the top six skaters in the world. That doesn't sound like failure to me, you did it Yuuri."

Yuuri shrugged, not believing the words that Phichit was saying.

Phichit bit back a sigh, he knew that Yuuri never believed in himself, always thinking he was at his worst, no matter how well he had done in something. "Come on, bed, we're having a sleepover."

Phichit grinned as he stood up, leaving the mugs and pulling his friend up from where he saw. They made their way to Yuuri's small bedroom. The walls covered in posters of Viktor Nikiforov, Yuuri's Idol. it was something Phichit liked to tease the older man about, but tonight he let it go. He could see how fragile Yuuri was at the moment. Yuuri got into the bed first, pressed against the wall as Phichit got in as well. The two best friends settled down for the night, Phichit turning off the light.

Yuuri turned and faced his friend, "Thanks, Phi," he mumbled.

Phichit smiled, wrapping his arms around him, "Welcome, always bestie." It didn't take long for the emotionally exhausted Yuuri to fall asleep. Phichit stayed awake a little longer, he had research to do and people to talk to, if he was going to be able to help his best friend.

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 **Thank you for reading and don't forget, whether you are Yuuri or Phichit in this story, people are there for you. To the Yuuri's out there, I know things are hard, but never forget that you're not alone. That friend sitting next to you, that is a phone call away, they will be there for you. They will help and don't forget you are** **loved.** **To the Phichit's out there, I know seeing those you love hurting themselves breaks your heart, but remember they reached out to you. You can help, learn what you can, learn more about those friends and help them, even if it means reaching out to someone else.**


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